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Business Lunch in Philadelphia, 1776 |
 Visiting Times Square, 1945 |
 Sightseeing with Friends, 1969 |
The Genesis of CondimentMan
The origin of CondimentMan is a mystery; one that may never be solved or resolved with 100% certainty. Many theories, however, have surfaced over the years as to what could drive a mild mannered man to devote his entire strength and being to spread heat and spices to the masses. Because CondimentMan’s quest started at a very early age, most scholars have looked to his early years, some even prior to birth, for the source of his drive. At first, the predominant theory was based upon CondimentMan’s father, a well known Ship Captain who sailed amongst the seas in search of the zestiest spices. Captain CondimentMan’s cargo only consisted of pepper’s whose Scoville units were at least 30,000. Unfortunately, his ship was lost at sea as a result of a fire arising from an ill-advised on board pig roast during Mardi Gras.
Recent DNA testing on CondimentMan has led researchers towards other theories as to his yearn for heat and spice. The current prevailing hypothesis is that his mother was the victim of a spider bite immediately prior to his birth. It seems this particular spider consumed bland hospital food and was subsequently bathed in high levels of radiation as it nested in the x-ray equipment. The radiation’s reaction to the bland food created an altered DNA genetically designed to seek out heat and flavor. It is surmised that this altered DNA was passed along to CondimentMan and the rest is history.
CondimentMan’s Early Years
It did not take long for all to realize that CondimentMan was not a typical baby. From day one his feeding could only be induced via the introduction of hot sauce into his diet. Hot sauce spiked formula, followed by a steady supply of pureed Jalapeno peppers, comprised CondimentMan’s diet for the next several years.
Like many other Superheroes, CondimentMan was teased by his classmates as his powers developed. While others learned to tie their shoes, he perfected his skill of tying red peppers to dry. When other’s played baseball, he used the bat and helmet to grind up spices into rubs. He was constantly in the vice principal’s office due to his constant introduction of hot sauce into his unsuspecting class mates’ peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He just did not fit in.
During his adolescent years, CondimentMan had his share of growing pains, yet they differed from those of other teens. Truancy, acne, smoking and other “common” teenage issues were never a challenge to CondimentMan. Rather, his main concerns stemmed from his obsession with making the world a hotter & spicier place via condiments. His free time was spent in the kitchen making sauce concoctions only his mind could conceive. He quickly moved upon up the culinary chain from hot plate to stock pot as his creations multiplied with each batch.
As CondimentMan’s creations grew, his challenge quickly became how to get his sauces to the people. At first, CondimentMan secured part time jobs in various diners and fast food restaurants where he would covertly switch the bland condiments with ones of his creation with more zest and heat. Quickly, he saw the limitations of this clandestine distribution method and commenced his journey towards full scale production.
